YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
