thanks...oh and i got my period
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?