Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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