You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning