I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?