I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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