don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground