doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
