I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize