If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
