Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
