this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.