Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...