Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"