Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Randomize
