OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
