Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
