totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
we're so committed to being not committed
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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