I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
