Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
