I have demons in me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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