Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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