I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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