Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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