textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry about my life...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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