ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
