thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
