Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize