i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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