dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
