Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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