it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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