Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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