Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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