Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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