i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
