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• (214): View more from Texas

  She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.

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• (315): View more from New York

  They're like penises that have been put in a blender.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win

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• (619): View more from California

  Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  (540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.

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