i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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