we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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