3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
