went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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