Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
