I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
