Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
