I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
