I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
