guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
