he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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