He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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