Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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