my sisters under your porch take her home
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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