I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
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He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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