brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
