just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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