I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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