he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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