Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
