you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just blew my weed a kiss
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
