Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
