My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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