I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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