I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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