I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
