I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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