god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
