Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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