Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
