So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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