remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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