So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
