finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
