Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
